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I'm a tee-totaller but I enjoy my cigarettes and I've never killed anybody - unlike drunken car drivers.
For Milner, a confirmed tee-totaller who will never be part of any dressing-room booze culture, there can be no hiding away from the reality of life as a top tier footballer.
The nightmare began when tee-totaller Spiral joined his brother, Karol, 28, and a pal for a night out after returning from recording new rap songs in the UK.
He said: "Since becoming club chaplain, I have been a tee-totaller, so I'm happy to be their designated driver.
Trying to guess how Liverpool are going to perform at present could drive a tee-totaller to drink but the Reds are capable of snapping out of their recent lethargy to seal the Bantams' fate.
The tee-totaller had been taking tablets to combat stomach acid.
Tee-totaller Spiral began painting the town red at the Citti Bar where he met up with former Big Bro contestant and fellow DJ Ray Shah.
I signed Jim Duffy and he was, and still is, a tee-totaller.
The tee-totaller added even now people think it is strange when he tells them he does not drink.
He's a tee-totaller who prefers a night in front of the telly to a night on the tiles.
And when staff served the famous tee-totaller a dram, he joked: "They gave me a plastic cup - standards are plummeting.