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For that blind-side, vertebrae-crunching hit he laid on Colorado Avalanche rookie Steve Moore almost a week ago, Vancouver Canucks star Todd Bertuzzi should be led to the gallows, put in the stocks, drawn and quartered, tarred and feathered, rubbed down with an oaken towel, stoned, flogged, lambasted, horsewhipped, blackballed, bowstrung, thwacked, walloped, admonished, castigated, castrated, and, if possible, taken over his father's knee after a stern lecture.
Once this was dry a second coat was applied and rubbed down with wet and dry paper dipped in water.
Then let him take a nice hot shower and have his arm rubbed down for five minutes.
Even Diana Kiel, director of the city's lead poisoning prevention program at the Department of Health, said the current procedures do not even require window testing unless the paint is rubbed down.