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And John Simpson, pictured, got the short end of the stick with an old bat who didn't have a good word to say about anyone and spent her days watching the wrestling on television.
A heavy ball -- the same size as a tennis ball -- makeshift stumps and an old bat transform almost every spare plot of land in Dubai into a meeting place where friends gather to get their cricket fix," he said.
I AM getting so old and such an eccentric old bat that I am starting to dispense with small talk.
Well, 20 years later, and after reading the English translation of French horsey-crime thriller Dead Horsemeat, I'm wondering if the vindictive old bat might not have had a point.
In scenes a bit like kids in a school playground at playtime, a number of City's players have been gathering in the gym for a knock-up with an old bat and tennis ball in their lunch hour.
Amazon, babe, beauty, broad, cheesecake, chichi, cupcake, cutie, dame, doll, dowager, duchess, femme, filly, fox, frail, gal, gentlewoman, girl, hussy, kid, lady, madam, mama, matron, old bat, old lady, old woman, petticoat, piece, pinup, seductress, she, she-stuff, shrew, siren, sis, skirt, temptress, ten, tomato, weaker sex, wench and wren.
Tania might have been dizzy, but she was not a horrible old bat, hovering above the housemates like a deatheater from Harry Potter.
How much different it is from the old bat, I can't really say.
After the bemused old bat got her final warning, I felt sorry for her.
A look that said: "Shut up, you silly old bat," As the faintest of nods came from under his hat.
And a daft old bat - me - who jumped into the River Cart when her sister's JR got caught in a current couldn't agree more.
Janine is not a character we often feel any sympathy for and her nan seemed a twisted, bitter old bat, but their opening up to each other before Lydia passed away was very touching.