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It's tempting to think that a tickle on the Croxteth Snarler to be top League goalscorer at 6/1 (Chandler) is like punting United, but at far better odds, especially after they nabbed Javier Hernandez (below) to share the running.
Then I thought of my father-in-law, who I drove to A&E a fortnight ago after a cross-bred snarler bit so deep into his hand he could see the bone.
Wielding scary blonde bouffants and glitzy gowns, Marla the Snarler took on Ivana in a spat which climaxed on the ski slopes of Aspen in 1990, when they resorted to screaming and fighting.
Wayne Rooney is favourite to be the top England scorer at 9-4 (Hills) - and you can't argue with the Croxteth Snarler.
Best check that El Blondie, Stevie G and the Croxteth Snarler are fit before brandishing your wallet, but if you can't wait, get on "under 2/2.
The Croxteth Snarler blows hot and cold in front of goal, but he's filling his boots now with goals in four of his last six games.